Hello, P*ssy
A diary entry written by Micayla Goodgame
Phone calls with mi prima feel like podcast episodes.
Hours of heart to hearts, perspectives, confessions, and moments of silence. Oh, and much needed laughs. Somehow we ended up here— “I always look at my vagina in the mirror to say hey”.
When I want a more intimate look, I’ll even climb up on my bathroom sink & bend over. Up close and personal with myself.
“I’ve never done that before. I mean, of course I see myself naked, but I don’t intentionally go look.”
I start sharing the wonders it’s done for pouring compassion & acceptance into my former insecurity of my pussy being seen. Not to be invasive, but how often do you gaze at your naked body? Allowing the flesh to be everything.
“If you’re up for it, try it now-- only if you don’t get stuck in admiration & return back to our conversation!”
The first time a guy ever saw me semi-naked was in the strip club. People hardly ever believe me, but I started stripping as a virgin. 2019, Emperors Savannah. Rubi was my stage name (such an innocent first stage name). Everyone would always say I had the “perfect tits” as if I wasn’t nineteen years old.
Recalling the memory of my first day as a fully nude stripper, it began at the audition itself, shortly after moving to Atlanta. During my first shift, I watched a dancer on stage performing to an empty club with no present DJ (to be fair, it was day shift, and the club had only been open for maybe 45 minutes). I was in awe of her, dancing completely naked with a fully grown bush. I didn’t know I could do this too, and now I wanted to. At this specific club we were encouraged to walk the bar to collect tips. Toes poking out of 7 inch pleasers with our pussy meeting eye level, and I couldn’t help but look. I was not only perplexed by the variety of every vagina I saw, but also comforted by how human they looked. Some bald, some with razor bumps, some waxed with a landing strip. I learned that the key to being a nude dancer isn’t to be perfect, but to be safe enough within my own body- to be free. The customers are here to admire me; I just have to make it easy for them by letting admiration begin with me.
The strip club seemed to be the only place I knew outside of myself where the nude body wasn’t deemed as too much. Where I wasn’t told to hide, to shave, or fit into a box to feel accepted. However, now that I have 6 years of experience in sex work, I know this is only partly true. There are deep beauty standards in this industry— especially for Black dancers, Black women. Still, the club lacked the shame that lived in everyday people’s eyes. They were never shocked by my body, except maybe just how confident I was in it. Outside the club, most people crave the performance of confidence but fear its reality. They want women to be sexy without being sexual, desired but not desiring, & so forth.
2022, Rumors Gentlemen’s Club. I reintroduced myself in this city as Yen. That contradiction collapsed. I learned the erotic body is allowed to exist without apology because that’s human… until the lights come back on.
During my audition I was surrounded by mirrors, even on the ceiling. Stripping became my ultimate mirror. Literally. Facing myself with nowhere to look but at me. This was how I made it through. Without permission, I was staring at my body more than the customers. Being witnessed helped me to witness myself. The nude body is erotic and human, yet society needs to put it in a box, treating it as spectacle, shame, or labeling it as rebellion. As a stripper, confidence becomes the natural state— what’s “radical” is simply being comfortable in them.
I am always so tickled when I see that meme on Instagram of a stripper pole & the text next to it says, “Thank you for saving my life” because why is that so real? I learned to see myself, even when no one is watching. I’ll never forget that one day shift, watching that dancer hold both legs wide open with her full bush out. For us, it’s just a Tuesday, for the outside world we’re women operating in the den of sin. It’s odd how something so human to me is still considered so taboo to them. Either way, the world could use more of that kind of self tease.
You can check out more of Micayla’s writing at substack.com/micaylagoodgame
